Top Book Recommendations for Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or supporting someone who does, can feel overwhelming at times. But having the right resources can make a world of difference. Whether you're looking to better understand BPD, learn some DBT skills, hear powerful memoirs, or support a loved one—this book list is a great place to start.
Many of these titles are available as audiobooks (many are even on Spotify if you have Premium, or via your library’s Libby app), so often I recommend that my patients who finding it hard to sit down and open a physical book — to turn on an audiobook while they are stuck in traffic, on an airplane, waiting in line at the DMV, cleaning the house, etc. Over the year’s I’ve had patients describe these books as "life-changing," "eye-opening," "helped me find some peace," "knowing I'm not alone was huge for me," and "empowering." I hope these recommendations can offer the same support and insight to you.
Understanding BPD & Trauma
These titles can help with building a deeper understanding of the psychological and physiological roots of BPD, including the role of trauma and the ways it shapes emotional responses and behavior.
1. I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus
A foundational book that explains the emotional extremes of BPD in an accessible, compassionate way. A great starting point.
2. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk
A must-read for understanding how trauma impacts the body and brain—and how healing is possible through body-based approaches.
Therapy Tools & Healing Strategies
These books offer practical tools, coping strategies, and skills grounded in evidence-based therapy (like DBT) to help manage symptoms and build a more stable life.
3. Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir
by Marsha M. Linehan
The powerful story of the creator of DBT, who had BPD herself, blending memoir with insight into one of the most effective treatments for BPD.
4. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley
A practical, easy-to-follow guide to DBT skills for managing emotions, tolerating distress, and improving relationships.
5. Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder
by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen
Introduces mindfulness practices tailored for the BPD experience—calming, grounding, and essential for emotional regulation.
Memoirs & Personal Stories
These deeply personal narratives provide hope and connection, showing that healing is not only possible but real and meaningful. Helping others to paint a picture of what life can look like can be a really powerful tool.
6. Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder
by Rachel Reiland
A raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful memoir chronicling one woman’s struggle and recovery journey with BPD.
7. Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder
Edited by John G. Gunderson and Perry D. Hoffman
A collection of deeply moving, real-life recovery stories from people who have lived with BPD. A powerful reminder that healing is possible.
8. Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus
Blends case studies, clinical insight, and practical tips for both individuals and loved ones navigating the BPD experience.
For Family, Friends & Supporters
Guidance for family, friends, spouses, and loved ones who want to understand and support someone with BPD, with tools for communication, boundaries, and emotional resilience.
The following books offer practical tools, compassionate insights, and evidence-based strategies to help loved ones navigate these relationships with care, boundaries, and understanding:
9. The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and Happiness
by Amanda L. Smith, LCSW
A year-long guided journal with weekly prompts and mindfulness practices designed to help families find balance, set boundaries, and build resilience.
10. Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder: For Family, Friends & Supporters
by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD & Hal Straus
Offers effective communication strategies, validation skills, and real-life scripts to help family and friends navigate emotionally intense interactions.
11. The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation
by Alan E. Fruzzetti, PhD
A DBT-based guide for couples experiencing emotional volatility, teaching tools for mindfulness, effective communication, and restoring intimacy.
12. Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship
by Shari Y. Manning, PhD
A compassionate and practical book for partners that focuses on understanding BPD, setting boundaries, and reducing conflict while maintaining emotional connection.
13. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
by Paul T. Mason, MS & Randi Kreger
A well-known and widely used resource that helps loved ones set boundaries, manage guilt, and shift away from patterns of enabling or walking on eggshells.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re living with BPD or supporting someone who is, you are not alone. These books can help you make sense of what at times has been describes to me by my patients as feeling like “emotional chaos”, “your brain has a smoke detector, but it can’t tell the difference between a candle and a wildfire”, “living with your brain on fire”, or “an emotional rollercoaster with no brakes”. Learning more about BPD can be a powerful and transformative tool—for both those living with it and their loved ones. Understanding the patterns, emotional intensity, and underlying pain that often drive BPD symptoms can help change some of that frustration into compassion. For individuals with BPD, education can bring a sense of validation, self-awareness, and hope for healing. For families and partners, it offers the insight needed to set boundaries with care, communicate more effectively, and foster more stable, supportive relationships. Knowledge truly becomes a bridge to connection, growth, and peace.
And most importantly, reminds you that healing is possible.
While these books offer valuable insights, strategies, and support, it's important to remember that they are not a substitute for professional treatment such as working with a psychiatrist and/or therapist. These books however can complement professional care, offering additional tools and personal perspectives from others who live with BPD, which can be incredibly impactful.
